Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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