I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
