How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
