you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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