Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
