it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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