Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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