It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
