it hurts more in the daytime
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
