the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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