I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
