Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
