arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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