Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
