You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
