I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
