I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
