I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
