I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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