why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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