you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
