Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
