I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
