that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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