EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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