why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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