LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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