So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
