First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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