Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
