I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
