He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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