First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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