We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
