Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
