I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
