I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
