Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
