Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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