the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
