doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
