My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
