your thong is hanging out like whoa
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
