How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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