I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
