The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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