worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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