For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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