dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I came so hard my ears popped.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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