Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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