4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Four minutes until I can fart!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
